


Love and Coffee

by lifeaftercheckmate



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I do what I want, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vulnerability, and did I mention feels?, and sweetness, and tenderness, i don't really know where this is going, lots of coffee, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-04-21 17:19:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14289657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeaftercheckmate/pseuds/lifeaftercheckmate
Summary: Rossi has decided that it's time for Hotch to start dating again and he knows just the guy...AU where Reid is the owner of a coffee shop and other surprises.





	1. First Impressions -or- Rossi Plays Matchmaker

SSA Aaron Hotchner entered the small coffee shop and looked around skeptically. Rossi better not be playing a trick on him.

The inside of the shop, Ida's Coffee, was cozy. The walls were painted a warm beige color. Half a dozen round wooden tables with two chairs each sat in the open space in no particular pattern. Against the far wall were three bookshelves. A table in front of the bookshelves had various book prices listed and a coffee can with a slot cut in the lid, presumably for book money. The counter was long and sleek and stained a warm chocolate brown. There were a few trays on the counter with brownies, cookies, and muffins under glass domes. The whole place smelled like roasted coffee beans and spice. Hotch could hear a grinder from the back room behind the counter, almost drowning out the scattered conversations from the customers. A couple people in black aprons skittered around behind the counter mixing and coaxing coffee drinks from the silver machines for the two ladies currently at the counter. They checked out and Hotch walked up to the counter.

“What can I get for you?” one of the baristas asked. Her name tag said that her name was Ashley.

“Actually, I'm looking for Spencer Reid.”

“He's in the back. I'll get him for you.” Hotch waited while Ashley went into the the back room. The grinding stopped and a tall slender man with brown curls and hazel eyes followed her out, wiping his hands on his apron. His hands were elegant with long fingers and Hotch wondered if he played the piano. The barista pointed at Hotch and Reid approached him.

“Can I help you?” Reid asked.

“I'm a friend of David Rossi. He sent me here.”

Reid broke into a smile and held out his hand. “You must be Agent Hotchner,” he said. Hotch shook his hand. Hotch's hand was rough and strong and Reid wondered what those hands would feel like on his bare skin.

Damnit, Spencer, he thought. Pull yourself together.

“Aaron, please,” he said.

“Well then, Aaron. What can I get for you?”

“Dave said to ask for...the Ball Buster?”

“I see Dave's been giving out my secrets. It's not on the menu, special order only.”

“What's in it?” Hotch asked.

“Four shots of espresso made from fresh ground Ethiopian coffee beans in an organic Nicaraguan French roast blend, steamed milk, a little sugar and a touch of hazelnut.”

“That sounds...intense.”

“That's one word for it. It will definitely keep you on your toes. Would you like it to go?”

“Yes, please.” Reid smiled to himself as he made the drink. The agent waiting for him was just as handsome as Rossi had promised. 

Reid put the lid and a sleeve on the cup and handed it to Hotch. “It's on the house,” Reid said.

“Are you sure?” Hotch asked.

“I'm sure.”

“Well thank you. I appreciate it.”

“No problem. You'll have to let me know what you think.”

“I will. Have a good day,” Hotch said.

“You, too.” Reid said.

“Who was mister tall dark and handsome?” Ashley asked Reid once Hotch had left.

Reid smiled. “A gift from a friend,” he said.

Reid was right about the coffee. Hotch was wired. He'd had trouble getting out of bed for the last week or so. His sleep had been restless. His bed was too big and too empty. Haley had been gone almost two years and Hotch was missing having someone to hold. If he didn't have Jack in the house, he'd go absolutely stir crazy. Rossi had made a comment about him being tired and moody and suggested that maybe it was time to get back on the horse. The the timing of the coffee shop suggestion was a too convenient to miss. It was clear that Rossi was trying to push him toward the coffee shop owner. Hotch smiled to himself. He would be back.


	2. Taking the Plunge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch gathers the courage to ask Reid out.

Hotch stopped into Ida’s Coffee the next day to hopefully see Reid and get more of his wonderful coffee concoction. When he stepped up to the counter he asked for Reid.

 

“It's Wednesday. He's not in on Wednesdays,” the barista said.

 

“Will you tell him I stopped in?” Hotch asked.

 

“He'll be back tomorrow. He teaches on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.”

 

“What does he teach?”

 

“Psychology.” Well at least they would have something to discuss when Hotch asked him out. _If,_ Hotch corrected himself. _If I ask him out._ Hotch was incredibly selective. Between his job at the BAU and having a son at home, his time was limited and valuable. He wasn't just going to ask someone out because he had beautiful hands, bright hazel eyes, and curly hair that Hotch wanted to sink his fingers into. Hotch shook his head slightly to refocus. He had to know that the person he asked out was someone worth pursuing. He didn't have time to waste on frivolous engagements.

 

“I'll take a large black coffee, unsweetened.” Hotch said.

 

“For here or to go?”

 

“To go, please.” The barista got his coffee and rang him up. As Hotch walked back to his car, he noticed a slight disappointment in himself.

 

“Get it together, Aaron,” he mumbled to himself and drove to work.

 

Hotch walked into the BAU, coffee in hand, and almost ran into Rossi coming out of his office. Lost in his thoughts, Hotch wasn't paying attention to where he was going.

 

“Whoa,” Rossi said. “This is an nice suit. Don't go spilling coffee on it.”

 

Rossi smirked when he saw the logo on the coffee cup in Hotch's hand. “So you went to see him,” Rossi said.

 

Hotch's face was the picture of neutrality. “I did,” Hotch said. “He wasn't there today.”

 

“Well you have to go back.”

 

“I met him yesterday.”

 

“So you liked him enough to make a second trip,” Rossi observed.

 

“Don't get too excited,” Hotch said. “The coffee is good.”

 

“Never mind the coffee. What did you think of Spencer?”

 

“He's interesting.”

 

“'Interesting?' That's it?”

 

“Give me a break, Dave,” Hotch said. “I went back.”

 

“Well you have to see him again.”

 

“Why are you so adamant about this guy?”

 

“I know you, Aaron, and he is perfect for you. You need to lighten up and move on. Take him to dinner. Have a conversation with him. Spencer is special. You'll see.” Hotch couldn't deny that there was a magnetic, if not awkward, energy about the young man.

 

“He's got to be at least 10 years younger than me,” Hotch said.

 

“Enough with the excuses,” Rossi said. “Ask him out.” Hotch sighed.

 

“Fine. He's supposed to be in tomorrow. I'll go back and see him. If I feel good about the encounter, I'll ask him out.”

 

Rossi clapped Hotch on the shoulder and a little coffee splashed out of the lid on his to-go cup. “You won't regret it. Now, I have work to get back to.” Hotch sighed again. As if Hotch was the one who had been holding them up. Typical Rossi. He shook his head and walked to his office. He moved an empty coffee mug off the coaster on his desk and set the to-go cup on it. He looked at the piles of folders on his desk and frowned. He had so much to get done before he could leave for the day, and that was assuming that they didn't get a case. Jessica would most likely have to pick Jack up from school.

 

That was another thing to consider in any relationship. His top priority was keeping his son safe and happy. He didn't want to bring someone around that wasn't comfortable with him having a kid or with kids in general and he didn't want Jack to get attached to someone and have the relationship not work out. He must be crazy to try to date again. The job, after all, was a big part of why Haley had left him. Could he really try to bring someone back into his life when the love of his life, his high school sweetheart, couldn't bare to share her life with him?

 

Still, Hotch couldn't deny that he was lonely. As reserved as he was, he was never a _solitary_ person. Maybe that was because he had grown accustomed to having Haley so early in life. He missed having a companion and a lover. He missed having an anchor away from the horrors of his job, a cornerstone, someone to call home. Rossi was right. He knew Hotch well and if he said Reid would be a good match for him, well he could give it a shot. It was just a date. It wasn't like he was committing the rest of his life to someone.

 

Hotch took a swig from his coffee which had finally cooled off. He made up his mind. He would go back to the coffee shop tomorrow and if the signals were right, he'd ask Reid out.

 

Hotch was actually a little nervous when he entered Ida’s Coffee the next day. He was stepping out of his comfort zone which was definitely not something he enjoyed. When he walked in, Reid was cleaning the cappuccino machine.

Reid smiled at Hotch and gave him a little wave. “Back for more?” Reid asked.

 

“Yeah, it was pretty good," Hotch said.

 

“Do you want the same thing?”

 

“Sure,” Hotch said.

 

“To go, I assume?”

 

“Yes please.” Hotch noticed that Reid was shifting nervously from one foot to the other as he prepared he coffee and he thought he saw a slight tremor in his hands. His face was flushed and he was looking everywhere but at Hotch. It seemed that Reid was just as nervous about seeing Hotch as Hotch was about seeing Reid.

 

Reid handed the cup to Hotch and tried to think of something else to say. Fortunately, Hotch took over the conversation.

 

“I came in yesterday and they said you were teaching?” Hotch said.

 

“Uh, yeah. I teach psych at George Mason University. It's a really good school. George Mason was one of the greatest of the founding fathers of the United States. He drafted the Virginia Declaration of Rights, which became a model for the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution.”

 

“I didn't know that,” Hotch said, amused by Reid's rambling. The corners of his lips turned up in a small smile.

 

The words just tumbled out of Reid's mouth. “Yeah, he was a planter and politician, and a delegate to the US Constitutional Convention of 1787, and was one of three delegates, together with fellow Virginian Edmund Randolph and Elbridge Gerry of Massachusetts who refused to sign the Constitution.” _D_ _amnit, Spencer. Stop talking,_ he thought.

 

“How do you know all that?” Hotch asked. “That's certainly not research for a psychology class.”

 

“I, uh, I have an eidetic memory and I like to read.”

 

“You must read a lot.”

 

“It depends on how busy I am. I only read five books last week.”

 

Hotch cocked an eyebrow. “ _Only_ five?”

 

“The human brain can process 20,000 words per minute.” Hotch smiled for real then. He was intregued by Reid's intelligence. Rossi was right. He was special. And awkward. And cute. And smart. And –

Hotch decided to take the plunge. He cleared his throat. “You know, I think Dave had ulterior motives for pointing me toward your shop,” he said.

 

“I had picked up on that,” Reid said.

 

“He usually gets his way.”

 

“Yes he does.” Reid's heart was racing. _Just ask me already_ , he thought.

 

“What time do you get off work tonight?” Hotch asked.

 

“I'm not closing so I can leave anytime after three.”

 

“Well I get off at six. Can I take you to dinner?”

Reid smiled. “I would like that.” Hotch smiled back and Reid sucked in a breath. Hotch had a gorgeous smile and Reid got the feeling that the stoic man didn't show it to many people.

Hotch grabbed a business card and pen from next to the cash register and wrote down his phone number. “Is 7:30 too late for you?” he asked.

 

“7:30 is fine.”

 

“OK text me your address and I will pick you up.”

Reid took the card and tried to keep from grinning. “I will,” he said.

 

“See you at 7:30,” Hotch said and walked out with his coffee. It wasn't until he got to work that he realized he hadn't paid for it.


	3. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch takes Reid out on their first date. Heavy conversation and fluff ensues.
> 
> More cannon divergence in Reid's past. Dunno how well this went. Oh well.
> 
> Also, Reid has a super cute kitty.

Reid wanted to text Hotch right away, but he didn't want to seem needy. All Hotch had asked for was his address, after all. He thought about Hotch's warm brown eyes and his stomach flipped. He finally texted his address to Hotch when he stopped for lunch at 1:30.

Hotch texted back a few minutes later. _I'll see you at 7:30._ _Hope you like steak._ Reid's phone dinged a second time while he was reading the first message. _Wait, you're not a vegetarian, are you?_ the text said.

Reid chuckled. _I'm definitely an omnivore. 7.3 million Americans are vegetarian, though, so it's a legitimate question._ The response from Reid was too quick for him to have Googled the number. He must have known it off the top of his head. Interesting was definitely a good word to describe the younger man.

 _Well good. Dinner would be really awkward tonight if you were,_ Hotch texted.

Reid tried to think of something witty to reply, but came up short. _I'm easy to please._ Reid winced after he hit the send button. That might come across wrong.

_I guess I'll find out. S_ _ee you tonight._

_I'm looking forward to it._ Reid put his phone down and frowned as he took a bite of his peanut butter and jelly. He had only dated a few people outside of Madeline and his social interactions weren't always smooth. Hopefully Hotch didn't think he was weird.

 

The clock dragged toward 7:30. Reid left the shop in Ashley's capable hands and left at 5:30. He knew if there was too much downtime when he got home he'd just drive himself crazy. He got home, showered, and selected a nice pair of jeans, a sapphire button-down and a grey vest. He looked in the mirror and thought he might be over-dressed, so he took the vest off. He didn't like the way it looked, so he put on a black sweater vest, and then decided he liked the original vest better so he put it back on.

He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. He flipped through the channels until he came across an episode of Star Talk with Neil deGrasse Tyson. It was a rerun, the episode where he interviewed Stephen Hawking. Reid flinched as he remembered the famed cosmologist's death. He'd seen the episode before and remembered every word, but he left it on anyway to distract him from the minute hand on his clock. It was 7:15. Ophiuchus jumped up on his lap and purred as he nuzzled him. Reid pushed him off his lap and brushed off the white and grey cat hair that the maine coon left behind. Ophiuchus curled into a ball on the cushion next to him and Reid petted him absently as he watched TV. Reid's phone went off. He had a text from Hotch.

 

 _I got stuck at the office. I'm going to be a little late._ Reid texted back. _No worries._ At 7:35, Reid began to tap his fingers nervously on the arm of the couch. At 7:45, the bell rang. Reid turned off the TV and went to the door.

 

“I'm sorry I'm late,” Hotch said when Reid answered the door. “I got hung up at work.” Hotch was wearing a black button down and a black suit jacket with a pair of dark blue jeans. The top button of his shirt was undone and Reid could see a few dark curls. At this point he didn't care how late Hotch was, only that he was there.

Reid really had to focus to not trip over his words. “It's OK,” Reid said. “It happens.”

“Especially in my line of work," Hotch Ophiuchus jumped down off the couch and came over to the door to see who the visitor was.

“That's a big cat,” Hotch said. “He's a maine coon?”

“Yes,” Reid said. “His name is Ophiuchus.” The cat rubbed himself against Hotch's leg.

Hotch bent down to pet him. “Where did you come up with that name?” he asked.

“Ophiuchus is my favorite constellation. It comes from Greek and means 'serpent-bearer.' It was formerly referred to as Serpentarious and Anguitenens, but I think Ophiuchus has a better ring to it.” Hotch didn't think any of those awkward Greek words had any ring to them, but he didn't say so. “Don't let him suck you in. We'll never leave,” Reid said. Hotch smiled and stood up. Reid grabbed his messenger bag from the hook on the wall behind the door and nudged the formidable ball of fur away from the door with his foot.

“I'll be back,” Reid told the cat. Hotch smirked and Reid blushed as he shut the door and locked it. Hotch led Reid down to his car and opened the passenger door for him, then climbed in the driver's seat.

“Where are we going?” Reid asked. 

“There's a great steakhouse just outside of town that I really like," Hotch said. "Does that sound alright to you?”

 “That's perfect.”

 “So tell me about yourself,” Hotch said as he started to drive.

 “What do you want to know?” Reid asked.

“Do you have any family?”

Reid winced slightly. “Just my mom. She lives in Vegas. My dad has been around since I was was young.”

“Are you from Los Vegas?”

“Yes,” Reid said. He didn't want to get into the specifics of the fact that his mother was severely schizophrenic and that she had been institutionalized from the time he was 18...when he had had her committed. He wished he would have taken control of the conversation, but he was nervous. 

Reid decided to turn the subject over to Hotch. “What about you?”

“I have a 6-year-old son named Jack, a brother named Sean, and my sister-in-law Jessica who helps take care of Jack when I'm away.”

“His mother's not in the picture?” Reid asked.

Hotch's face harden and Reid wondered if he'd crossed a line.  “My ex-wife, Haley, passed away a couple years ago.”

“I'm sorry,” Reid said. Hotch took a deep breath and willed himself to relax. He wondered if this date had been a bad idea. Opening up wasn't really his strong suite and there were a lot of demons in his story.

“What about you. Ever married?” Hotch asked. Reid shifted in his seat and fidgeted with his hands. Hotch glanced over at him. He seemed just as uncomfortable as Hotch felt. "Are you OK?”

Reid cleared his throat. “Family's a hard topic.”

“We can talk about something else if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Reid forced a smile. “No it's OK. We're getting to know each other, right?” He took a deep breath. “I was engaged once. Her name was Madeline.” Reid looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't.

“It didn't work out?” Hotch encouraged.

“Uh, no. She was pregnant. We found out right as I was starting up the coffee shop. I named the shop after our daughter. She had a miscarriage in her third trimester. The relationship crumbled after that.”

“I'm so sorry," Hotch said. "I lost my ex-wife, but I can't imagine losing a child, especially that late in the pregnancy.”

“It was four years ago. You never really get over it, but you learn to move on, you know?”

“Yes. I absolutely understand that.” Before he could think about it too much, Hotch reached over and rested his hand on Reid's leg. Reid smiled at him and took his hand, squeezing it briefly.

Hotch forced himself to continue. “My ex-wife was murdered. We were already divorced, but it was still the hardest thing I've ever lived through.”

“I'm sorry. That must have been horrible.”

“It's like you said. You don't really get over it, but you keep living life. If it hadn't been for Jack, I don't know what I would have done. He kept me moving forward. Haley's sister Jessica is still a big part of his life and that helps, too.”

“I can't imagine what that was like for you,” Reid said.

“It felt like being crushed constantly. My team at the BAU is very close, too, and they were there for me every step of the way. I couldn't have done it alone.” Reid swallowed hard. His mother had been there with him as best as she could through the lost of the baby and the end of his relationship with Madeline. He didn't really have any close friends, though. He tended to keep people at arm's length. He was afraid to let someone in, afraid that they wouldn't understand him, afraid that they would reject him and his heavy past and oddities. He'd been rejected and ridiculed his whole life and sitting here with Hotch was definitely a risk for him.

“Well now that we've gotten through that mess,” Hotch said, “What do you like to do?” Reid brightened a bit and he let go of Hotch's hand. Hotch returned it to the steering wheel.

“Well obviously you know I own the coffee shop. I teach Introduction to Psychology, Abnormal Psychology, and Behavioral Analysis at the University. I hold Ph Ds in mathematics, engineering, and chemistry and Bachelors in psychology and sociology and am working on a BA in philosophy. I also really like to read.”

Hotch glanced over at Reid in amazement. “How old are you?”

“Uh, 30.”

“That's...that's extremely impressive.”

Reid blushed. “I like to learn. Owning a coffee shop is really just another course in sociology. I like to watch people and learn about them. I love culture and art and I really love books.”

 “Maybe I should be taking you to the library instead of a restaurant.”

Reid smiled. “That could be our second date,” he said.

Hotch laughed. “We haven't even gotten through our first one,” Hotch said.

Reid shrugged. “I'm pretty good at reading people.”

“I guess we'll see about that.” Hotch pulled into the parking lot and before Reid could get out, Hotch was there opening his door. Reid smiled awkwardly.

“What?” Hotch asked.

“Just not used to someone opening doors for me," Reid said. "That's usually my job.”

“You'll get used to it.” Reid noticed the hint that there would be more time together than just tonight and butterflies fluttered through his stomach again. Hotch opened the restaurant door and they went in. Hotch had made a reservation, so they were led straight to their table, a booth in the back corner of the restaurant so that Hotch had sightlines on most of the room and the front door.

The waiter came over and introduced himself. “My name is Drew and I'll be taking your orders tonight. Can I get you started with something to drink?”

“I'll take a Coke,” Hotch said.

“And for you, honey?” Drew asked, smiling brightly at Reid.

“Iced tea, please.”

The waiter breifly brushed his hand against Reid's arm. “I'll get that right out for you,” he said.

“I'm pretty sure he was flirting with you,” Hotch said when the waiter was out of earshot.

“He's just looking for a good tip,” Reid said.

“I don't think so. His pupils were pretty dilated when he looked at you.” Reid knew the signs of attraction and arousal. 

Reid cleared his throat. “I didn't notice.”

“Yeah well, it's my job to notice these kinds of things,” Hotch said. Reid shook his head. “You don't give yourself enough credit. You're a very attractive man.” Hotch was just as surprised as Reid was that the words came out of his mouth.

Reid raised his eyebrows. “You think so?” he asked.

 “I do,” Hotch said.

Reid blushed and looked intently at his menu. “So what's good here?” he asked. Hotch hadn't even glanced at his menu.

“The filet minon is my favorite. That's what I get every time.”

Reid flipped rapidly through the menu and set it aside. “The most coveted cut of meat,” Reid said. “The tenderloin runs along both sides of the spine, and is usually harvested as two long snake-shaped cuts of beef. The shape of the true filet mignon may be a hindrance when cooking, so most restaurants sell steaks from the wider end of the tenderloin – it is both cheaper and much more presentable.”

Hotch shook his head. “Dave said you were special.”

Reid snorted. “That's the word he used?” he asked. “I'm not sure if that's compliment or snark coming from him.”

 “It was a compliment and I agree with him.”

Reid quirked an eyebrow. “Most people find me annoying.”

“I have a hard time believing that," Hotch said. "You're incredibly intelligent and have a truly impressive mind.”

“Give it time,” Reid said and frowned.

“You're not very good at receiving compliments,” Hotch observed.

Reid shifted awkwardly. “It's hard to believe them. I was a child prodigy in Los Vegas public high school and graduated at age 12. I started college at Cal Tech at age 13. I didn't have any peers, much less friends. I'm a novelty and then it gets old and annoying.”

Hotch reached across the table and took Reid's hand. “You deserve to have someone accept you, not just tolerate you,” he said. Reid gave him a small smile. Hotch ran his thumb across the back of Reid's hand and Reid barely kept himself from shivering at the gentle touch. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like that, with tenderness, with care. He wanted more. He wanted the things Hotch said to be true. He wanted someone to love him, all of him. He thought Madeline had, but even she had left him.

The waiter brought the drinks out and stood slightly angled away from Hotch and toward Reid. “Here you go, hun. Are you ready to order?”

“Get whatever you want,” Hotch said. “It's on me.”

“Are you sure?” Reid asked.

“You can pay for the next date,” Hotch said with a pointed look at the waiter. A frown flickered over the waiter's face and then it went neutral. Reid fought to hold back a laugh.

“I'll have the filet mingnon with the twice baked potato and a green beans,” Hotch said.

"And for you?” the waiter asked Reid.

“I'll have the same but without the potato,” Reid said.

"What would you like for the second side?"

"Just green beans are fine." The waiter took their menus and turned to leave without another word.

Reid let his laughter out when the waiter was away from the table. “Possessive much?” he asked.

Hotch kept his face neutral except for one slightly arched eyebrow. “Does that bother you?” It didn't bother Reid at all. In fact, he liked the attention and the fact that Hotch wanted the waiter to know that Reid was _his_ , well such as it was on a first date.

“No. I just found it funny," Reid said. "You might as well just pee on my leg next time.”

“I think I managed it just fine without risking indecent exposure charges.”

Reid laughed again. “So...I'm paying for the next date, then?” he asked.

“If you want there to be a next date...” Hotch said cautiously.

“I do,” Reid said. Hotch smiled, glad that they were on the same page. He and Reid were very different people, but there was definitely chemistry and Hotch wanted to explore it further. He really liked Reid and wanted to get to know him and see if they would fit together. Hotch watch Reid's lips as he took a sip of his tea through the straw and imagined those soft lips wrapped around something else. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, suppressing a moan at the mental image.

“Everything alright there?” Reid asked. He smirked as if he knew what Hotch was thinking and took another sip of his tea with a suggestive look on his face. Hotch's face gave nothing away, but his eyes said everything.

Hotch tried to pull himself together as he remembered that Reid taught behavioral analysis. From the look on Reid's face, he failed. “So you're working on a degree in philosophy?” Hotch said, diverting attention from his embarrassment.

“I am,” Reid said.

“You don't have enough degrees?” Hotch asked.

“I will stop learning when I die,” Reid said with all seriousness.

“It's that important to you?”

“The universe is infinite. There is never an end to knowledge, only an end to curiosity and questioning. The world is beautiful and I want to know everything there is to know about it. Knowing isn't enough, though. The universe is an experience. If I spent my whole life behind a book and didn't get out and touch life, it would be pointless. Albert Eistein said, 'There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.' I choose the latter.”

“No wonder you're pursuing philosophy with a mind like that.”

 “Everyone has the capability to explore,” Reid said.

Hotch tried to drum up his knowledge of philosophy from his college days. He vaguely remembered Utilitarianism and the inherent worth of Kantian ethics, but that was about it. “So how do you see the world, philosophically? What theory do you subscribe to?”

Reid thought for a moment. “I would say I'm somewhere in between virtue ethicist and existentialist.”

“Tell me about them," Hotch said. "My college philosophy classes were a long time ago.”

Reid's eyes brightened and he sat up straighter. “Virtue Ethics is an approach to ethics that emphasizes an individual's character as the key element of ethical thinking, rather than rules about the acts themselves, called deontology, or their consequences, called consequentialism. So basically you hold certain values as an individual and that's what informs your personal moral system.”

“And your values are?” Hotch asked.

“Integrity, honesty, compassion, curiosity. Those are the big ones. What about you? What would you say are your biggest values?”

“I'd say integrity, for sure. Duty. Honor. Loyalty. Family. I don't know if that's necessarily a virtue, but it's one of the most important things in my life.”

“That's definitely in line with the virtues you mentioned," Reid said, "especially duty and loyalty.”

“So tell me about existentialism,” Hotch said. "I remember that one being complicated, but I don't remember what it is.”

“Existentialism is more focused on the question of 'why are we here?' And it doesn't really give an answer. At it's core, existentialism means that there is no predetermination. Each person creates their own meaning and destiny in life. The primary value associated with existentialism is authenticity. It's the degree to which each person is true to themselves despite outside pressures. Usually it stems from people tend to refer to as the 'existential crisis,' where someone feels confusion, fear, or dread in the face of the absurdity or seeming chaos of the universe. In this context absurd means _humanly_ impossible as opposed to logically impossible and refers to human's search for meaning and value in life, but the inability to find any.”

“So what's your meaning in life?” Hotch asked.

“Questions, exploration, wonder. It all ties into love. Every action comes from love or fear. I try to act based on love. Not just of other humanity, but all living things and life and the universe itself.”

“That's a great way to see life.”

“Do you disagree?” Reid asked.

“No, not necessarily,” Hotch said. “What you said resonated with me. I think I see things from a more...logistical perspective maybe. I understand what you mean by the absurd. When Haley was killed, I lost one of my best friends and the mother of my son. Her death was violent and senseless. I don't know if everyone chooses their own destiny. With what I've seen chasing killers across the country, it seems that certain people are... _doomed_ to their fate, for lack of a better way to put it, whether genetically or due to life circumstance. I think not everyone has the opportunity to choose their own _destiny_. I do believe one can choose their own meaning, though and that's what I see over and over, for better or worse.”

“That makes sense. I appreciate that distinction. I'm going to have to think more about that. Do you think you choose your own destiny?”

“I think it's definitely influenced by outside circumstances, but I choose my priorities and direction. Haley being taken shaped me on a fundamental level even later in life. Same with having Jack. I think I determine my own meaning and purpose, though.”

“Which is?”

“Order," Hotch said. "The world is chaos. I fight for the good. I fight for those who can't fight for themselves. I know I can't save everyone, but I do everything I can to save everyone I can and put as many off the bad guys behind bars as possible. I just hope that it's enough to maybe tip the scales a little toward the good.”

 

The waiter made his way toward the table with their food and set the plates down in front of them. “Is there anything else I can get you guys?” he asked, neutrally professional.

“I'm good,” Hotch said.

“I'm fine, thank you,” Reid said.  The two men where silent as they began eating. Hotch watched Reid's hands as he held his fork and knife and cut his steak. He wanted to feel those hands again. He tried to focus on his food, but kept getting distracted. He hadn't felt a pull like this in a long time.

“So we've both had serious relationships with women,” Reid said in between bites. “Have you been with many men?”

Hotch was taken aback by the bluntness of the question. “Uh, well, no. Not in a very long time. Haley and I were together in high school and married when I was in college. I've been on a few dates since then with men and women, but nothing that ever went past the first date.”

“That's a pretty significant relationship.”

“To say the least,” Hotch said.

“Can I ask a very personal question?” Reid asked.

“Go for it.”

“Do you think you're ready to be in another relationship?” Hotch looked at him, silent for a moment. He had thought about this a lot. Could he ever really let go of Haley? Could he ever love anyone like that again? Could he ever let anyone in as far as he had let his ex-wife?

“I will always love her,” Hotch said, “even though she's gone. She was the love of my life and I fully intended to grow old with her. She divorced me mainly over this job. It broke me. I know where I am in life. I'm realistic about what I can offer and what I can't. If I can find someone to meet me where I am, then yes. I'm ready for another relationship.” He took a bite of his steak and they where quiet again. Hotch caught Reid staring off over his shoulder with a far away look in his eyes. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

“I've missed this. The companionship. Just sharing a meal with someone. There aren't a lot of close people in my life besides my mother and she...she's very sick.” Hotch reached across the table and took Reid's hand.

Reid interlaced their fingers and smiled shyly. “Tonight isn't even over and I already want to see you tomorrow,” he said.

“I think we can make that happen. I should be able to get out earlier tomorrow. I got most of my paperwork done today,” Hotch said.

“I have to teach tomorrow and then I have to go back to the shop to do some end of the month book keeping. Boring stuff.”

“Would you like some company?” Hotch asked.

Reid smiled. “I'd like that,” he said.

“What time will you get out of class?”

“My last class ends at five. I should be back to the coffee shop by 6 o' clock.”

“I'll be there.” The two men finished their dinners and shared an impossibly large piece of chocolate cake for dessert. They chatted about likes and dislikes. Reid peppered Hotch with silly questions like what his favorite color was (blue), his favorite food (steak), his favorite song (Ain't Even Done With the Night by John Mellencamp), and so on and so forth. When they were done, they were both reluctant to leave, but they both had to work in the morning and it was only the first date, after all. When they arrived back at Reid's house, Hotch came around and opened the door again and walked Reid to his door. Reid shifted nervously on his feet at the door.

Hotch ran his thumb across Reid's cheekbone and down his jaw. “Why are you so nervous?” he joked. Reid gave him a mocking glare. Hotch chuckled. “May I kiss you?” he asked. Reid nodded, his genius mind wordless, and Hotch pulled him close. He wrapped one arm around Reid's waist and threaded he other into his hair. Reid put his arms around Hotch's shoulders and they looked at each other for a moment before Hotch lowered his face to Reid's and pressed their lips together. The kiss was slow and tender. Hotch's heart swelled and he kissed Reid a little harder. Reid's insides felt like they were liquefied and his knees got weak. He leaned into Hotch's strong chest and lost himself in the kiss. When they pulled apart, they were breathless.

 “You're good at that,” Hotch whispered. Reid smiled. Hotch cupped his cheek and Reid leaned into Hotch's hand and closed his eyes. Hotch ran his thumb over Reid's soft lips.

Reid kissed the tip of his thumb. “I should go inside,” Reid mumbled and opened his eyes.

“You really should,” Hotch said.

“I'll see you in the morning for coffee?” Reid asked.

“You can count on it,” Hotch said. Hotch gently brushed his lips over Reid's. “Good night, Spencer,” he said.

“Good night, Aaron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think. I'm a little iffy about this chapter. Hope you liked it!


	4. Opening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a coffee mishap, Hotch opens up to Reid about Foyet.

 When Hotch got to Ida's Coffee the next day, Reid was waiting for him. Reid smiled shyly as Hotch walked through the door.

 

Hotch's eyes lit up when he saw the younger man and he gave him a small smile. “Good morning,” Hotch said.

 

“Good morning yourself,” Reid said. “I thought I might try out a new recipe on you if that's ok?”

 

“What's in it?” Hotch asked.

 

“I won't tell until you try it.”

 

“So I'm your guinea pig now?”

 

“Pretty much," Reid said.

 

Hotch shrugged. “How bad can it be?”

 

“Oh ye of little faith,” Reid said. He busied himself behind the counter preparing the drink and then brought it to Hotch.

 

Hotch took a swig and burned his tongue. He winced. “It's very hot,” Hotch said.

 

“Obviously,” Reid said.

 

“I can't drink it until it cools down.”

 

“Well text me later and let me know what you think and I'll share my secret.”

 

“Sounds like a plan," Hotch said. "Oh, hey. I owe you for my coffee yesterday. I walked out without paying.”

 

Reid waved his hand dismissively. “You don't have to pay. Perks of dating the owner.”

 

Hotch smiled. “I like that deal. I have have to get to work. See you at six?”

 

“I'll be here,” Reid said.

 

Hotch drove to work with a smile on his face. He settled in his office and took a file off his stack of consultation requests. He'd only been working for a few minutes when someone rapped on his open door.

 

Hotch looked up. It was Rossi. “Come in, Dave.”

 

Rossi walked into the office and sat down in the chair across from Hotch's desk. “You went back again,” Rossi said, nodding to the to-go coffee cup on Hotch's desk.

 

“You do like to meddle, don't you?” Hotch asked.

 

“You like to avoid questions, don't you?” Hotch gave Rossi an annoyed look. Rossi paid it no mind.

 

“Yes, I went back,” Hotch said.

 

“And?” Rossi asked expectantly.

 

“I took him out to dinner last night.” Rossi looked smug.

 

“And?”

 

“What do you want me to say? I like him.”

 

Rossi smiled triumphantly. “I knew you would. That kid's something else.”

 

“Can you not call him a kid?" Hotch asked. "It makes me feel old.”

 

“You're getting there. Too old to be alone.”

 

Hotch glared. “You're pushing your luck,” he said.

 

“Oh, please Aaron. How'd it go?” Rossi asked.

 

“It went well.”

 

“Are you going to see him again?”

 

“God, you're nosy,” Hotch said.

 

“Answer the question.”

 

“Yes, I'm going to see him tonight.” Hotch said, exasperated. “What, do you want all the details of my love life?”

 

Rossi quirked an eyebrow. “Love life, huh?”

 

“Get out,” Hotch said.

 

Rossi chuckled and stood up to leave. “When you two are walking down the aisle, just remember who set you up.”

 

“Get out,” Hotch growled. Rossi chuckled again and left the office. Hotch sighed and shook his head at his friend's persistence and meddling. He looked down at his consultation report and tried to focus, but he kept getting distracted by memories of the night before, how Reid's hand felt in his, the way Reid's taste lingered on his lips after they kissed.

 

“I'm never going to get this done at this rate,” Hotch said. He took a sip of his coffee. It was strong, but had a creamy note to it and a flavor he couldn't place. Cinnamon and something else.

Hotch pulled out his cell phone and texted Reid.   _The coffee is_ _good. Strong. Spill you secret._

Reid texted back a moment later. _It's heated cold brew toddy coffee, which is concentrated, not as acidic as traditionally brewed coffee, and has about twice the caffeine. It's brewed from roasted Kenyan beans which gives it that fruity citrus flavor. It has a single shot of Guatemalan dark roast espresso and it's cut with skim milk and flavored with cinnamon._

 _Twice the caffeine and a shot of espresso,_ Hotch texted. _That's just what I need._

 _Do you like it?_ Reid asked.

 _It's wonderful,_ Hotch said.

Good. Y _ou never have to settle for McDonald's coffee again._

_Usually I drink whatever's been brewed in the break room._

_Ew. I'll give you a bag of Colombian dark roast,_ Reid promised.

_That would be great. I have to get back to work if I'm going to get out of here on time._

_Have fun with that. See you tonight._

_Fun. Right._

 

Hotch took another swig from his coffee cup and refocused on the consultation in front of him. He was going to have to send someone out to take a look at this case, but he didn't think it warranted the whole team. 

 

Hotch walked out to the bullpen. “Prentiss, can you get JJ and meet me in my office, please?” Prentiss tracked JJ down and they made their way to Hotch's office. “I need you two to go down to Orlando and check out an equivocal death investigation. JJ, the local press has gotten a hold of the story and the conspiracy theories are running rampant. I need you to help get it under control.” Hotch handed the file to Prentiss. “Take the day to go over the details of the investigation. You two can leave tomorrow morning. Keep me in the loop and let me know if you need more help with the case.”

 

Prentiss took the file.  “We can do that,” she said. Prentiss and JJ left the office and went to Prentiss's desk to go over the case together. Hotch looked at the stack of folders on his desk. That was one file down, 15 to go. And this was a light day.

 

 

Reid had a quiet day. He was giving midterms in his classes today, so the only sounds from his students where the scratching of pencils and the flipping of pages. He sat back at his desk and read the book he was working on, 'The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What saints, spies, and serial killers can teach us about success.” By the end of his third class he'd finished the book and his work was just beginning. Yes, he had a quiet day, but now he had 73 tests to grade. He'd try to get some done later at the shop. He tended to work better with the sounds of espresso machines and the smell of coffee in the air. He packed his papers into his messenger bag and made his way to his second job.

 

Hotch showed up at Ida's Coffee at 6:20. “Is Spencer here?” he asked at the counter.

Reid heard Hotch's voice and came out of the back room. “Come around the counter," he said. "I'm working back here,” Reid said. Hotch followed Reid into the back room. It was a cross between a kitchen and an office with industrial sized sinks on one side and a counter top stretching from from the sinks to the back wall where there was a window to let some natural light in. There was a large coffee grinder on the other side and a table in the middle. There were papers strewn across the table and a laptop with a spread sheet on the screen in front of one of the two chairs.

 

“Having fun?” Hotch asked.

 

“It's not exactly divergence theorem,” Reid said. “It's pretty boring, actually. Just processing invoices and payroll and balancing the budget. Do you want coffee?”

 

“Is there any decaf in this place? I think I've hit my threshold for caffeine for the day.”

 

Reid scoffed. “I think I'm immune at this this point. I'll get you decaf. How do you want it?”

 

“Just black,” Hotch said.

 

“Unsweetened?”

 

“Yes, please.” Reid went to get the coffee and Hotch wandered to the far wall to look out the window. He didn't hear Reid approach behind him with the coffee.

 

“Aaron,” Reid said.

 

Hotch turned around and bumped into Reid, spilling coffee all over his white shirt. “Damn, that's hot!”

 

“I'm so sorry!” Reid said.

 

“No, no. It was my fault. I ran into you. God, that burns.”

 

Reid set the coffee on the coffee and got a rag from the sink. He ran it under hot water and applied a little soap.  “Untuck your shirt,” Reid said, walking back over to Hotch. Hotch took his jacket off and laid it on the table and then untucked his shirt. Reid scrubbed at the coffee stain with the rag, but it didn't do a lot of good.

 

“It's ok,” Hotch said. “I have about a dozen white dress shirts at home.” Reid stopped scrubbing and looked up at Hotch. He smiled and trailed his fingers across the bare skin under Hotch's shirt at his waist. Hotch closed his eyes and shivered. When Reid's fingers brushed one of his scars, his eyes popped open and he jerked back. Reid's eyes went wide.

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to – ” Reid started.

 

Hotch cut him off. “No, no. It's not you,” he said. His heart was racing. He willed himself to not show his panic. Reid, however, looked like he was about to hyperventilate. Hotch took a step toward Reid and took his hand. “It wasn't you,” Hotch said again. He took a deep breath.

 

"What's wrong?" Reid asked. Worry was etched on his face.

 

“The man who killed Haley attacked me," Hotch said. "He stabbed me nine times. I have scars. No one's ever seen them and no one has touched me in a long time.”

 

“I'm so sorry,” Reid said again.

 

Hotch brushed a piece of hair off Reid's face and tucked it behind his ear. “Don't be," he said. "There was no way you could have known. It just startled me.” Hotch paused. “I haven't told anyone about that since it happened,” he said. “Well, unless you count the FBI trauma therapist.”

 

“Are you OK?” Reid asked.

 

“I'm OK.”

 

“I would never presume to compare my trauma to yours," Reid said, "but I have demons, too. I don't take you telling me lightly. I could tell you that you can trust me, but I'd rather show you.”

 

Hotch raised Reid's hand to his lips and kissed the back. “Thank you. I've known you for less than a week, but...there's just something about you. I can't really articulate it.”

 

Reid smiled. “I feel it, too,” he said.

 

“It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time,” Hotch said.

 

“We'll just take this one step at a time and see where it goes.”

 

Hotch smiled back. “That sounds good.” Hotch leaned in and kissed Reid. It was short but full of feeling and left a lump in Reid's throat and his chest ached. He had to focus, though. He had work to do.

 

“I hate to break up the moment," Reid said, "but I've got to get this work done if I'm ever going to get home tonight.”

 

“Right,” Hotch said. He let go of Reid's hand and tucked his shirt back in. Then he loosened his tie and rolled his sleeves up.

 

Reid sat down in front of his laptop and motioned to the other empty chair at the table. “Make yourself at home. This won't take long.” Hotch sat across from Reid and picked up his coffee cup. He took a cautious sip. It was cool enough to drink and he took a bigger swig. He watched Reid shuffle papers and punch keys on his laptop. He was so taken by this man. He didn't trust easily, but his gut told him that Reid was worth his trust. He could see himself spending more time with Reid and really investing in him. Hotch kept his feelings close and the fact that he'd opened up to Reid as much as he had, as quickly as he had, spoke volumes. He could tell that Reid took his vulnerability seriously. He was patient. He was understanding. And damn was he beautiful.

 

“What are you doing after this?” Hotch asked. Reid didn't look up from his calculations.

 

“I have a pile of midterms to grade and I need to eat at some point.”

 

“Bring them to my house. I'll cook for you. I don't have to work tomorrow.”

 

Reid looked up. “What about your son?” he asked.

 

“He's at Jessica's house tonight. She's going to take him to see that new dinosaur movie tomorrow.”

 

“You really want to sit around and watch me grade papers?” Reid asked.

 

“Yes,” Hotch said.

 

“Well, alright. It beats take out by myself and I don't have to be in until noon tomorrow. Give me another 10 minutes and I'll have this done.”

 

“Take your time,”Hotch said.

 

Reid smiled. “I read 20,000 words per minutes and have a Ph D in mathematics, remember? This is me taking my time.” 8 minutes later, Reid was stuffing papers into file folders and logging out of his computer. “I'll follow you to your house?” Reid asked.

 

“That works,” Hotch said. They gathered their things and left the coffee shop.


	5. Grilled Cheese and Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid goes over the Hotch's house for dinner and they get closer. Lots of fluff. Lots of feels.

Hotch opened the door to his house and waited for Reid on the front step. Reid parked and followed him inside.

“Shoes off by the door,” Hotch said. They both slipped off their shoes and set them on the rug next to the door. “Would you have enough room in the living room on the coffee table or would you rather set up at the dining room table?”

“The living room is fine,” Reid said.

Hotch motioned to the couch. “Make yourself at home. I'm going to go change real quick.” Reid sat on the couch and pulled the folders with the midterms out of his messenger bag and arranged them on the coffee table while he waited for Hotch. He found his red pen in the inside pocket and picked up the folder containing the tests for Psych 101 first. Hotch came out of his bedroom and Reid's breath hitched. Hotch was wearing a white undershirt and a pair of old blue jeans and he was barefoot. Reid forgot what he was doing for a second. Hotch looked handsome in his usual suit, but he looked positively sinful in casual clothes. 

Hotch noticed Reid's reaction and smirked. “You alright there?”

“Uh...yeah?” Reid said.

“Was that a question?”

“I don't know,” Reid mumbled. “I can't think straight.”

“That's saying something for you,” Hotch said. Reid huffed. “I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but when I said I'd cook for you, I meant mac n cheese with hot dogs, spaghetti with sauce from a jar, or grilled cheese and tomato soup.

“6-year-old food,” Reid said with a laugh.

“Let's just say I'm lucky that Jack's sense of taste hasn't matured yet.”

“Mmm. Grilled cheese. It's comfort food. My mom used to make it for me all the time before...” Reid faltered. “Before she got too sick,” he said.

“Can I ask what's wrong with her?” Hotch asked.

Reid hesitated. “She's schizophrenic,” he said finally. 

Hotch crossed the room and sat down next to Reid on the couch. “Is it bad?” he asked.

“I had to have her institutionalized when I was 18,” Reid said quietly. “That's where she is now.”

“Spencer, I'm sorry. I can't imagine what that was like for you.”

“That's why my dad left. He couldn't handle it. I pretty much raised us both.” Hotch took Reid's hand and ran his thumb over Reid's knuckles. “I don't get out to see her as much as I'd like, but I write her a letter every day. You know, that grilled cheese and tomato soup sounds real good right now.”

Hotch took the hint and gave Reid's hand a squeeze before he let go. “Grilled cheese and tomato soup coming right up,” he said and walked toward the kitchen. Reid refocused on his tests. He had the answer keys for all the tests memorized, so it was simple work to go through and mark the wrong answers. He put slashes through the numbers of the wrong answers for multiple choice and circles around the numbers of the correct answers, made comments on the essay questions and calculated the percentages in his head while Hotch cooked in the kitchen. When he had finished the last test for the class, Reid sighed loudly.

“What is it?” Hotch asked as he plated the sandwiches and poured the soup into bowls.

“17 out of 23 students got operant and classical conditioning mixed up. It's simple. Plavlov's classical conditioning pairs two stimuli, whereas Skinner's operant conditioning pairs behavior and response. I wonder if I need to adjust the way I'm presenting it. Maybe use more visual aids.” Hotch brought the food in and Reid set his papers down to accept the plate and bowl.

“Be careful. It's hot,” Hotch said.

“Well of course it is. It just came off the stove,” Reid said.

“OK smartass,” Hotch joked as he settled onto the couch next to Reid. Hotch placed the bowl on the coffee table and balanced his plate on his lap as he started on his sandwich. Reid scooted to the edge of the couch and put his bowl and plate on the coffee table, then tore his sandwich in half and dunked it in the soup. Hotch watched him, amused, as he ate his sandwich. 

Reid's eyes flickered to Hotch's untouched bowl and then to his sandwich. “Do you not dunk your sandwich in your soup?” he asked.

“It's messy,” Hotch replied and took another bite of his sandwich.

“Aaron, that's the whole point of grilled cheese and tomato soup,” Reid said, frowning.

Hotch raised an eyebrow. “You're serious?” he asked.

“Do I look like I'm joking?” Reid asked. Hotch snorted and shook his head. He sat his plate on the coffee table and tore his sandwich in half, then dunked it in his soup and took a bite.

“Better?” Hotch asked.

Reid smiled. “Much.” They two men ate in silence and when they were done, Hotch took their plates and bowls into the kitchen, rinsed them, and put them in the dishwasher.

“Can I get you a beer?” Hotch called from the kitchen. He pulled his own beer out of the refrigerator.

“I don't drink,” Reid said. 

Hotch looked over at him. “You don't?” 

“No...I've been clean in Narcotics Anonymous for eight years,” Reid said.

“Really?” Hotch asked. “But Narcotics Anonymous, isn't that just for drugs?”

“Narcotics Anonymous is for any addictive substance. We don't make any separation between substances. A drug's a drug and alcohol is one of the oldest drugs known to man.”

Hotch put his beer back in the refrigerator. “I can respect that,” he said. “In that case I have water, fruit punch, and milk with the options of chocolate or strawberry syrup.”

“Water is fine,” Reid said. 

Hotch poured a glass of water for him and Reid from the jug in the refrigerator and walked back into the living room. “Use a coaster,” he said as he handed Reid his glass of water.

Reid took a sip of his water and eyed Hotch skeptically. “That's it?” he asked.

Hotch set his water glass on a coaster and leaned back on the couch. “What's it?”

“I just told you I'm a recovering addict,” Reid said.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hotch asked.

“I don't mind talking about it. I guess I just wasn't expecting such a nonchalant response.”

“My father was a drinker. He was abusive to me and my mother. I don't even know how many times he tried to quit or my mother tried to get him to quit. Anyone who has the strength and self-will to quit and stay clean that long has my respect.”

“It really has nothing to do with strength or self-will,” Reid said. “It's all about complete surrender. It's like any other illness. You can never be strong enough to not be an addict. It's all about surrendering to the fact that I can't use anything without it destroying my life. I'll be an addict for the rest of my life and I have to keep treating it for the rest of my life. That means never using another drug, alcohol included.”

“I never thought about it like that,” Hotch said.

“Most people don't and that's part of what causes so many relapses when people try it on their own. The chronic nature of the disease means that relapsing to drug abuse at some point is not only possible, but likely. Relapse rates for people with addiction and other substance use disorders are similar to relapse rates for other well-understood chronic medical illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension, and asthma, which also have both physiological and behavioral components. Different studies put the rate of relapse between 40 and 60 percent. It's a chronic illness, but it can be managed. That's what I've learned to do.”

“That's good enough for me,” Hotch said. With the subject closed, Reid picked up the folder with the test for his abnormal psychology class. Hotch watched him flip rapidly through the papers, marking and scrawling comments as he went. When he was done, he picked up the folder for his behavioral analysis class and started the process over.

Reid looked up and met Hotch's eyes. “You're really just going to sit there and watch me grade papers?” he asked.

“Yep,” Hotch said. “Unless you have a better idea?”

Reid scoffed. “I have to get these done.”

“You don't have class again until Monday, do you?”

Reid flipped the folder open and took the pile of papers out, red pen poised. “I don't like to let things linger. I'd rather just get it done and over with.”

“Then, yes. I'm going to sit here and watch you grade papers.”

Reid shook his head. “Weirdo,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?” Hotch asked.

Reid smiled sweetly up at him. “Nothing. Give me 20 minutes and I'll have these done.” True to his word, 20 minutes later Reid was putting the papers back into their folder and shoving the folders into his messenger bag.

“Now what?” Reid asked.

Hotch pulled Reid closer to him. “I've been waiting very patiently,” he said.

“For what?” Reid asked.

Hotch tugged Reid down so he was laying on his side against Hotch's chest and wrapped his arms around him. “For your attention,” Hotch said.

Reid smiled and settled into the strong arms. “You haven't gotten enough attention tonight?” he asked playfully.

“That's different. You were busy.”

“I'm not now,” Reid said.

“No you're not,” Hotch said.

“So what did you have in mind?”

Hotch tilted Reid's chin up so that they were face to face. “This,” he said and kissed him. Hotch kept one arm around Reid and ran his other hand through Reid's messy curls. Reid sighed against Hotch's lips as he felt Hotch's fingers run through his hair. 

Reid pulled back looked Hotch in the eyes. “So all this come to my house I'll cook for you stuff was a just a ploy?” he asked. He managed to hold a straight face, but his eyes were dancing.

“I didn't have any prearranged plans, if that's what you mean,” Hotch said.

“You just watched me grade papers for an hour and a half and couldn't help yourself.”

Hotch kissed Reid chastely on the lips. “Pretty much.”

“Aaron, I have to tell you. I'm not ready to take this any further.” Hotch loosened his hold on Reid so he could pull back if he wanted to, but Reid stayed nestled in Hotch's arms.

“I'm not either, and I don't to push you to do anything you're not comfortable with by any means. I just want stay here like this and hold you and kiss you. That's enough for me.”

Reid smiled up at Hotch. “That sounds perfect.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against Hotch's. Hotch brought his other arm down and wrapped them around Reid's waist as he kissed him back. God, his lips were so soft. Reid completely disarmed him. He wasn't ready for sex, but he wanted to get there. He wanted to share himself with Reid even though he knew it would take time and trust. Being with him was intoxicating. A lot remained to be seen, of course. The chemistry was amazing and the conversation was easy and stimulating, but there was still Jack. Any partner Hotch had would have to be as good for his son as they were for himself. And the job. He was committed to the BAU. It was his second family. He didn't leave for Haley and he didn't plan to leave for anyone else, either. Still, he felt safe for the first time in a long time. He felt hopeful that maybe he could share his life with someone again. Maybe, just maybe, Reid was that someone. Hotch hadn't been this taken by anyone in decades. Hotch broke the kiss and stared into Reid's hazel eyes.

“What are you thinking?” Reid asked.

Hotch cupped Reid's cheek with his hand and Reid leaned into him. “I don't know if I can put it into words,” he said.

“Try,” Reid said.

Hotch thought for a moment. “I don't want to let you go. I don't want you to leave. This is a perfect moment and I don't want it to end.” Reid took Hotch's hand and kissed the back of it.

“Don't worry so much about this one ending. There will be more perfect moments. I promise.”

“I really like you and it scares me,” Hotch said.

“Of course it does,” Reid said. “People like us don't let others in easily. I think it says a lot that we both feel comfortable right now. I really think this is worth pursuing.”

“It doesn't bother you that I have son?”

“If it did, I wouldn't be here.” Reid turned and leaned back so that his back was against Hotch's chest. 

Hotch put his arms around Reid and kissed him on the temple. “And the job? It's very demanding. That's the main reason Haley left.”

“I've been friends with Dave for a long time. I'm well aware of what you guys do.”

“I'm basically on call 24/7. I can be called to go out of state at a moment's notice and be gone for days at a time.”

“I know.”

“The work we do is dangerous. The team works together to make sure everyone gets home safe, but there are so many things that could go wrong at any given time.”

“Aaron,” Reid said. “I don't know what it's like to be with someone who lives the kind of life that you do, but I have an understanding of what I'm getting myself into and I think it's worth the risk.”

“So do I,” Hotch said. “So do I.” 

They lay there like that for a while before Reid started to yawn, holding each other, talking sometimes, and sharing unrushed kisses.

When Reid looked at his watch, it was almost 11 o' clock. “If I don't leave now, I'm not going to,” he said.

Hotch made a face that was about as close to a pout as he would ever come. “Can I call you tomorrow?” he asked.

“I'd be upset if you didn't.”

“I don't know what's going on this weekend yet, but we can make plans tomorrow. I want to see you again.”

Reid sat up and stretched. “Oh, you will. It would be pretty hard to get rid of me at this point.”

Hotch stood up off the couch and reached his hand out to pull Reid up. “Maybe one more kiss.”

Reid smiled. “One. That's all you get or I'll be here all night.” Hotch kissed Reid gently. Reid parted his lips and slipped his tongue in Hotch's mouth, tasting him, teasing him. 

Hotch pulled away, breathless. “That wasn't playing fair,” he said.

Reid grinned. “Just something to think about while I'm gone,” he said. 

Hotch laughed. “Go on. Get out of here while you still can.” Reid gathered up his messenger bag and slipped his shoes on at the door. Hotch opened the door for him.

“Good night, Aaron,” Reid said.

“Good night, Spencer. Be safe.”

“I will,” Reid promised.

Hotch shut the door behind Reid and went to bed with a smile on his face.


	6. Meeting the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid meets Jack and the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been slow going with updating. My cat ate my laptop cord so now I'm using someone else's computer. Hopefully I can get one next week and I'll be back on track.

Hotch spent the weekend with his son and didn’t see Reid either Saturday or Sunday, but they talked on the phone both days. Reid was teaching on Monday, but Hotch went into the shop before work anyway to get a couple cups of coffee, large black coffee for him and a quad macchiato for Rossi. Rossi was already in his office when Hotch got there, working on a couple organized crime consultations. Hotch knocked on his open door and Rossi looked up.

“Good morning, Aaron. I hope one of those is for me.” Hotch handed Rossi his coffee and Rossi took a sip. “Mmmm. Espresso heaven. Spencer really does have the best coffee.”

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Hotch said.

Rossi grinned. “Things are going well, then?”

“Very well,” Hotch said. “I like him a lot.” The look on Hotch’s face was conflicted.

“I sense a ‘but’ coming,” Rossi said. “Sit down.” Hotch sat. “What is it?”

“Haley left because of this job and I just don’t think it’s fair to drag someone else into this.”

Rossi shook his head, set down his coffee cup, and crossed his arms. “You are really good at shooting yourself in the foot,” he said to Hotch.

“That’s not fair, Dave. I’m just – ”

“Stop it, Aaron. I’m coming to you as a friend and I’m telling you that you sabotage yourself. Spencer is a grown man and can make his own decisions about what he wants for his life. You and Haley were already together when you got into this and neither of you knew what to expect. Spencer and I have been friends for a while and we’ve talked a lot about this job. In fact, he thought about joining, but he was medically disqualified.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Spencer hasn’t lived this life, but he knows what it’s like. He’s making an informed consensual decision by being with you. You can’t take that autonomy away from him. It’s not your decision to make for him. It’s his decision to make for himself.” Hotch barely stopped himself from fidgeting with the sleeve on his coffee cup. Instead he took a drink and didn’t look at Rossi. “What is this really about, Aaron?” Hotch didn’t say anything. Rossi leaned forward and put his elbows on his desk. “Give me one good reason why you don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I don’t know, Dave.” Rossi looked his friend up and down. He noticed the tense posture of his body, his anxious fingers, his lack of eye contact and then he saw the answer in his friend’s eyes.

Rossi leaned back and folded his arms again. “You’re afraid.” Hotch looked up at Rossi. He met his eyes, but said nothing. “You’re afraid to let yourself fall in love,” Rossi continued. “Well, I hate to break it to you, but that ship has sailed. You’re in love with him.”

“It’s only been a week, Dave. You can’t possibly know someone in a week.”

“Maybe not normal people, but we can know someone inside and out without ever having met them.”

“There’s also Jack,” Hotch said. “I can’t let someone in without knowing how they would be with my son.” Rossi thought about that one for a moment.

“You know, I should invite the team over on Saturday. I’ll ask JJ and Will to bring Henry and you can bring Jack, and you can invite Spencer. That will give him a chance to meet Jack in neutral territory and it will give the team a chance to meet Spencer.”

Hotch quirked an eyebrow. “It’s it a little early to be bringing him home to meet the family, isn’t it?” he asked with a touch of amusement in his voice.

“Aaron, these things move on their own timeline. The more you try to control that, the more miserable you’re going to make yourself. I know you love him. I can see it all over you. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. It’s time to stop hiding from it.”

Hotch sighed. “I can’t believe I’m taking relationship advice from you of all people.”

“I’ve made all the mistakes already,” Rossi said. “How do you think I know all this? Don’t do what I did. Don’t run from what’s in front of you. You have a chance to really be happy. And for what it’s worth, I think Spencer will be fantastic with Jack.”

Hotch stood from the chair. “I guess we’ll see. What time on Saturday?”

“Noon,” Rossi said. “We eat at 1 o’ clock sharp.”

  
  


Hotch had to be at the office early to look over some potential cases on Tuesday morning so he didn’t have time to stop for coffee before work. He and Reid planned to meet for lunch on Hotch’s lunch break, but, as luck would have it, one of the cases from that morning panned out and they had to leave for Nevada before lunch time came. Hotch called to Reid that night from the hotel room and extended Rossi’s invitation for Saturday, assuming they were back in town. Reid happily agreed. Hotch told him that Jack would be there and Reid was excited to meet him. He’d always wanted children and Madeline’s miscarriage and their subsequent breakup devastated him. He wasn’t worried about meeting the kid; he tended to do better with children than adults, actually. He was worried about gaining Hotch’s approval. He knew that Jack was the most important part of Hotch’s life. He didn’t want to impress Hotch so much as connect with them as a family. Jack and Hotch were a package deal. If he didn’t mesh well with Jack, there would no relationship with Hotch. Reid knew that and understood. It made him just as nervous as he was excited.

The team got back in to town Friday evening and Hotch crashed as soon as he got home. Uncharacteristically, he slept in late and only woke up an hour before Jessica dropped Jack off at 10 am.

Reid had to stop at the coffee shop to receive a delivery Saturday morning, so by the time he got to Rossi’s house at 12:45, the rest of the team was already there. Rossi was putting the finishing touches on dinner when the doorbell rang.

  
  


“Aaron, can you get the door? My hands are full in here,” Rossi called to the back patio. “That should be your boyfriend,” he said to Hotch with a wink as Hotch walked to the door.

  
  


“Behave,” Hotch warned in a firm tone.

  
  


“Who me? Always.” Hotch opened the door to find Reid with his hands full of dishes.

  
  


“What's all this?” Hotch asked as he took a foil-covered tray from Reid.

  
  


“I made desert,” Reid said.

  
  


“Dave entrusted you to cook for one of his gatherings?” Hotch asked as he helped Reid to the kitchen.

  
  


Reid set his dishes on the kitchen counter. “Technically it's baking, and yes he did.”

  
  


“I didn't know you could bake,” Hotch said.

  
  


“You never asked,” Reid said. “I can cook, too.”

  
  


Rossi looked up from the stove. “The kid's almost as good at Italian as I am,” he said.

  
  


“I hate it when you call me that,” Reid said.

  
  


“Spencer, I am old enough to be your father,” Rossi said. “You're a kid in my book.” Reid rolled his eyes. “Do you want some coffee?”

  
  


“Is it the coffee I gave you?” Reid asked.

  
  


“Nothing but the best,” Rossi said.

  
  


“Then yes.”

  
  


“The mugs are in the cupboard above the dishwasher. Sugar's next to the coffee pot. Help yourself.”

  
  


Hotch watched Reid fill a mug with coffee and pour an obscene amount of sugar into it. “That's a lot of sugar,” he remarked.

  
  


“That's the best way,” Reid said.

  
  


“For someone who owns a coffee shop, I thought your taste would be a little more refined.”

  
  


“Don't you judge me, Aaron Hotchner. Until I introduced you to the world of fine coffee, you were drinking Maxwell House.”

  
  


“I was just fine with Maxwell House, thank you,” Hotch said.

  
  


“You can't say that my coffee's not ten times better than that junk even with a bunch of sugar in it.”

  
  


Rossi chuckled. “You two bicker like an old married couple.” Hotch shot him a glare, but Rossi wasn't looking. “I'm almost done in here. Aaron, why don't you take Spencer out back and introduce him to everyone will I finish in here.” Reid followed Hotch out to the back patio where everyone was seated around a large table laughing and chattering. They looked up when Hotch and Spencer walked out.

  
  


“This is my team,” Hotch said. He introduced them, pointing at each person individually. “That's Emily Prentiss, JJ and her husband, Will, Penelope Garcia, our resident technical genius, and Derek Morgan.” He motioned to Reid. “This is my...” Hotch faltered and looked at Reid desperately.

  
  


“If you say friend, I will kick your ass,” Reid hissed under his breath.

  
  


Hotch cleared his throat. “Uh, this is Spencer.” Garcia snickered and Morgan raised an eyebrow in amusement. JJ covered her smile with a sip of the wine in front of her. Hotch gestured to the two boys playing in the back yard. “The taller one is Jack and the blond is JJ and Will’s son, Henry.”

  
  


Hotch pulled an empty chair out for Reid and sat between him and Morgan.

  
  


Morgan didn't try to hide his ornery smile. “And what is the nature of your relationship with Spencer?” he asked innocently.

  
  


“None of your business,” Hotch said.

  
  


“We're figuring that out,” Spencer said at the exact same time. Hotch's head snapped around and he looked at Spencer pointedly. Garcia laughed out loud and a flush crept into Hotch's cheeks.

  
  


“Aw look, guys,” Prentiss said. “He's blushing. Our fearless leader is actually blushing.”

  
  


“Oh come on,” JJ said in a motherly tone. “Leave them alone.” Spencer was trying to suppress his own laughter at Hotch's embarrassment. He knew laughing at the man in public wouldn't win him any brownie points. Fortunately for Hotch, Rossi brought out a couple steaming plates of pancetta and arancini.

  
  


“Spencer, help me grab the rest of these plates, would you?” Spencer stood from his seat and followed Rossi into the kitchen.

  
  


“Boys, come wash up and eat,” JJ said. The two boys went inside to wash their hands in the bathroom and then came out to sit at the table while Reid and Rossi brought out the rest of the plates.

  
  


“Aaron, I didn’t get you a drink. What would you like?” Hotch thought about asking for wine like everyone else at the table, but he definitely planned to kiss Reid later, so he thought better of it.

  
  


“Just water is fine.” Reid and Rossi went back into the kitchen and Rossi came out with the last two plates. Reid had a glass of water which he handed to Hotch before taking his seat again.

  
  


“Dig in, everyone,” Rossi said, and they started to eat.

  
  


“So how did you two meet?” Morgan asked Reid and Hotch.

  
  


“Through Dave, actually,” Hotch said.

  
  


Reid elaborated. “I’ve been friends with Dave for a while and he directed Aaron to my coffee shop.”

  
  


“You set them up?” Garcia crooned. “How cute.”

 

“You own your own coffee shop?” JJ asked Reid.

 

“Yes,” Reid said. “I also teach at George Mason University.”

 

“What do you teach?” Prentiss asked.

 

“I teach Introduction to Psychology, Abnormal Psychology, and Behavioral Analysis,” Reid said.

 

“Well he should fit in just fine, then,” Morgan said.

 

“What do you do for fun, Spencer?” JJ asked.

 

“I'm currently working on a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy,” Reid said.

 

Morgan smirked. “That's what you do for fun?” he asked. Reid nodded emphatically.

 

“Ask him what degrees he currently holds,” Hotch said.

 

“I'll bite,” Morgan said. “What degree do you have?”

 

Reid flushed. “Um, I have three Ph Ds in mathematics, chemistry, and engineering and two BAs in psychology and sociology.” Prentiss, JJ, Will, Garcia, and Morgan looked at him with expressions ranging from awe to surprise.

 

“What are you, some kind of genius?” Morgan asked.

 

“Well, I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute,” Reid said. No one said anything. “Yes, I'm a genius.”

 

“Do you do any normal fun things?” Morgan asked.

 

“Well, I'm a big fan of Doctor Who,” Reid said.

 

Jack's head shot up. “I love Doctor Who!” he said with delight.

 

“What is this Doctor Who thing?” Hotch asked. “Jack's been going on about it for weeks, but I haven't actually seen it.”

 

“Doctor Who is a series that premiered in 1963 and was rebooted in 2005 by BBC. It's about an alien called a Time Lord who is simply known as The Doctor. He travels around space and time in a time machine called the T.A.R.D.I.S., which stands for Time And Relevent Dimenssions In Space, fighting bad guys and saving humanity alongside his companions. Every so often he dies and regenerates into a new version of himself. So far there have been 13 Doctors and the word is that the next one will be a woman. It's possibly the best show next to Star Trek.”

 

“Hotch,” Morgan said. “I don't know if you've noticed, but your new boyfriend's kind of a nerd.” Reid blushed.

 

“I'm sure he means that in the nicest way possible,” Hotch said, shooting Morgan a look.

 

“Who's your favorite Doctor?” Reid asked Jack, redirecting the conversation.

 

Jack shrugged. “I just started watching it.”

 

“Did you start at the beginning or with the reboot?” Reid asked.

 

Jack shrugged again. “I just saw it on TV.”

 

“Aaron,” Reid said, “you can't just let him start Doctor Who in the middle of the series.”

 

Hotch raised his hands in surrender. “That's all you. I have no idea what you're talking about.”

 

“I'll get you on track,” Reid said to Jack. “We'll start with Christopher Eccelston and get you brought up to speed.”

 

“What else do you like?” Garcia asked.

 

“I like to read and I do magic tricks,” Reid said.

 

“Magic!” Henry said. “Can you show us some magic tricks?”

 

“Sure,” Reid said.

 

“Finish your dinner,” JJ said. “You can see magic tricks after you eat.” Rossi was sitting back watching the exchange with a smug look on his face. He knew that Reid would be great for Hotch and he was sure the team would like him as well. The fact that he had won Jack and Henry over was a plus. Everything was falling into place. Now if Hotch would just get out of his own way, it would be perfect.

 

The team finally turned their attention away from grilling Reid and chatted about work, their personal lives, and other light topics as they finished their meal. When they were done, Rossi cleared their plates and brought out the terimisu and canollis. They all helped themselves.

 

Prentiss took a big bite of terimisu. “This is really good, Rossi,” she said. “Did you make this, too?”

 

“Actually Spencer made it,” Rossi said.

 

“You let him cook for you?” Prentiss asked.

 

“Technically it's baking,” Reid said for the second time that night. “Baking is basically just chemistry with food. It's pretty simple, really.”

 

“Well, it's really good,” Prentiss said.

 

By the time they had all finished their desert, the wind was picking up and it was starting to get chilly, so they all went inside.

 

Henry tugged on Reid's sleeve. “Can you show us magic now?” he asked.

 

“Absolutely buddy,” Reid said. He got down on one knee so he was eye level with Henry and made a show of looking at him curiously. “You know, I think you've got something behind your ear,” Reid said and produced a quarter seemingly out of thin air and handed it to Henry.

 

“What about me?” Jack asked.

 

“Hmm. It looks like you have one stuck up your nose,” Reid said and produced another quarter. The little boys laughed at that.

 

“How did you do that?” Henry asked.

 

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Reid said mysteriously.

 

“Can you do more?” Jack asked.

 

“I can. Wait here.” Reid went to the kitchen and grabbed his messenger bag which he had set on the kitchen counter. When he was back in the living room, he pulled a deck of cards out and handed them to Jack.

 

“Do you know how to shuffle?” Reid asked.

 

“Not very good,” Jack said.

 

Reid sat down on the floor in front of him and took the cards back. “Here, let me show you.” Reid demonstrated how to shuffle the cards and handed them back to Jack. Jack sat down and shuffled the cards the way Reid showed him.

 

“OK, now Henry, you cut the deck,” Reid said.

 

“What does that mean?” Henry asked.

 

“It means that you make two piles and put the bottom pile on top,” Reid said. Henry cut the deck and Reid took the cards from him and fanned them out. “Who wants to pick first?”

 

“Me!” Jack said.

 

“OK, Jack,” Reid said. “Pick a card, any card.” Jack eyed the deck and carefully selected a card from the middle of the deck. “OK, now look at it and show it to Henry, but don't let me see it.” Jack showed the card to Henry. Reid cut the deck in half. “Now put it in the middle.” Reid shuffled the cards a few times and then pulled the top card off the pile and showed it to Jack and Henry. “Is this your card?” he asked.

 

“That's my card!” Jack said. “How did you do that?”

 

“Like I said, a magician never tells,” Reid said and winked at the boys.

 

“Jack, why don't you and Henry go play and let the grown ups have some time?” Hotch said.

 

“OK, daddy!” Jack said and he and Henry ran off into the house.

 

“No running!” Rossi called after them, but they were already gone.

 

“You guys have great kids,” Reid said to Hotch, Will, and JJ.

 

“You're pretty good with them,” JJ said.

 

Reid shrugged. “I like kids better than adults most days.”

 

“I hate to break up the party,” Morgan said, “but I've got to get home. The Wizards play the Raptors this afternoon and I have money on the game.”

 

“That's...basketball?” Reid asked.

 

Morgan snorted. “Yeah. That's basketball.”

 

“Can you take me home, chocolate thunder?” Garcia asked.

 

“Of course, baby girl. Anything for you,” Morgan said. They left the room to gather their stuff and Reid look quizzically at Hotch.

 

“Are they...?”

 

“No,” Hotch and Prentiss said at the same time.

 

“They always talk like that,” JJ said. “You'll get used to it.”

 

“We should probably get going, too,” Will said. “I have some paperwork I need to get done before I head back into work on Monday.”

 

“I'll go find the boys,” JJ said. She returned a couple minutes later with Henry in tow and Jack ran up to his dad.

 

“Can I spend the night at Henry's house?” Jack asked.

 

“I'm okay with that as long as Henry's parents don't mind,” Hotch said.

 

“That's fine with me,” Will said.

 

“I'm okay with it,” JJ said. “Why don't we follow you back to your place and Jack can pack a bag for the night and then we'll take him home.”

 

“That works for me. I guess I'm taking off, too,” Hotch said to Dave.

 

“Do you need any help cleaning up?” Reid asked.

 

“No, no. I'm fine. I have a dishwasher. I'll make sure to get your dishes back to you. You guys get out of here so I can have some quiet.”

 

The team and Spencer gathered their things and filed out of the house. Reid followed Hoth to his car.

 

“Do you want to come over after you get Jack taken care of?” Reid asked.

 

“I'd like that,” Hotch said. “I haven't seen you all week.”

 

“I know. I missed you.”

 

“I missed you, too. It'll be nice to have some alone time.” Reid was shifting nervously from foot to foot. “What's on your mind?” Hotch asked.

 

“I want to ask you something, but I'm not sure how you'll take it,” Reid said.

 

“You can ask me anything,” Hotch said.

 

“OK, well...will you spend the night with me?” Hotch was taken aback by that. He'd thought he made it clear that he wasn't ready to be intimate yet. In fact, it was Reid who had brought it up.

 

“Spencer...” Hotch started. He wasn't sure what to say.

 

Reid's eyes darted around to make sure Jack wasn't within hearing range. The boy was already in the car. “No sex, Aaron. I promise. I just want you with me.”

 

Hotch thought for a second. Yeah, OK,” he said. “Let me get Jack home and packed, then I'll grab some clothes and head over to your place.”

 

“OK. I'll see you in a little bit.”

 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Hotch said. “But Jack's watching us.”

 

Reid smiled. “You can make up for it later,” he said with an ornery smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think.


	7. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fears, trust, snuggles, and more grilled cheese

Hotch stood at the door to Reid's apartment with his go-bag in hand. It felt heavy to Hotch, like a lead weight. It wasn't that he didn't want to be here. He did. It was just that it had been almost three years since he had slept next to anyone but his son. The thought made his heart race as he raised his fist and knocked on the door. Reid's face lit up when he opened the door. He took Hotch's go-bag and kissed him on the cheek.

“I'll put this in the bedroom,” Reid said. When he came back into the living room, he pulled Hotch into his arms and kissed him. There was an unusual stiffness in Hotch's body.

“What's wrong?” Reid asked.

“I'm fine,” Hotch said.

“Aaron, I might not be an FBI profiler, but I do teach behavioral analysis for a living. You are not fine. What's on your mind?” Hotch ran his hands over his face. He wished he could just push his feelings aside and enjoy the man in front of him, but the voices in his head wouldn't let him. Introducing Reid to his team and his son made the relationship real and Hotch hadn't been prepared for the emotions that accompanied that. He felt like his heart and mind were trying to tear him in half.

“I don't know, Spencer,” Hotch started. “I really care about you...” Reid had to focus to keep his face neutral and to not fold his arms over his chest defensively.

“But?” Reid asked. Hotch's bag was in his bedroom. If he was going to break things off, he wouldn't have brought his stuff with him, right? It was best to hear him out.

Hotch took a deep breath. “But the voice in my head is telling me to run. To get away from this as quickly as I can before it's too late.”

“What do you mean, 'too late?'” Reid asked.

Hotch sighed. “Rossi sat me down the other day and told me I was afraid.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

Reid touched Hotch's cheek tenderly. “What are you afraid of?”

Hotch leaned into the touch and closed his eyes tight. “Of falling for you,” he said. “Of letting you in and then losing you.”

“Oh, Aaron. Come here.” Reid led Hotch over to the couch. He pushed Ophiuchus of the couch, sat down in the corner and pulled Hotch down so that his head was in Reid's lap. Hotch toed off his shoes and kicked his feet up on the couch. Ophiuchus meowed and jumped back up on the couch and laid down on Hotch’s feet, purring. Reid ran his fingers through Hotch's thick, dark hair.

“Aaron, I know it hasn't been long, but I've already fallen for you, hard. I want you to be part of my life. I want to invest in our relationship. We have something strong between us. There's not just a spark, but there's a connection and a pull that I want to nurture and help grow. Tell me you feel it, too.”

“I feel it,” Hotch said.

“You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Out there you're dad and you're team leader and you have to hold it together and be strong. Not here, not with me. I'm strong enough on my own that I don't need you to be strong for me. I want to be your safe space. I want to be your resting place. I want to be your anchor. I'm sorry if it's too much too fast, but I don't intend to go anywhere.”

“Why do you care so much?” Hotch asked.

“Because you're worth it,” Reid said. Hotch was quiet for a moment as he let that sink in. Reid continued. “Nietzsche said, ‘There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth.' You walked through hell and lived to tell about it and it's shaped you into this amazing man in front of me.”

“Nietzsche also said, 'Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster,'” Hotch said.

“'For when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.' You're not a monster, Aaron. There's a core in you that will not be broken. You're strong enough to face this fear, and you don't have to do it alone. I know your trust isn't something that's easily won, but I will prove to you that you are not alone. I'm here for you, for the you under that toughness. For the you who wants to run away.”

“When Haley left, it felt like I had been gutted. She was the love of my life. Knowing that what I had to give wasn’t enough to make her happy broke me. The thought of letting go again…I just don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s not easy for me, either. I guess it’s harder for some people than others, though. I haven’t been through have of what you have. But when Madeline and I lost the baby, it felt like my heart had been ripped out and not only did I lose her, I lost the whole future I was dreaming of, the future of a family and raising a child. And then Madeline left and I felt so betrayed. I couldn’t help her heal. I know what it’s like to not feel like you’re not enough. After some time passed, I just hoped that I could find love again.”

“And here we are,” Hotch said.

“And here we are,” Spencer said with a soft smile, then he started to recite. “‘I envy not in any moods the captive void of noble rage, the linnet born within the cage, that never knew the summer woods: I envy not the beast that takes his license in the field of time, unfetter’d by the sense of crime, to whom a conscience never wakes; nor, what may count itself as blest, the heart that never plighted troth but stagnates in the weeds of sloth; nor any want-begotten rest. I hold it true, whate’er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; ‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

“Who’s that?” Hotch asked.

“‘In Memoriam’ by Alfred Lord Tennyson.”

Hotch took Reid’s hand and kissed his palm and then ran his thumb over the back. “I could get used to this,” he said. “Laying here with you reciting poetry to me.”

Reid ran his hands through Hotch’s hair. “That can be arranged.”

“Thank you,” Hotch said.

“You're welcome.” Reid could feel Hotch's heart rate slowing. “Just relax. There's nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to fix, no one to save. Just let yourself be.” Hotch took some deep, slow breaths and soaked in the feeling of Reid's warmth, their bodies pressed together, and Reid's fingers threading through his hair. Before he even realized he was tired, he was asleep. Reid smiled and leaned forward to grab on of the books stacked on the coffee table, careful not to disturb Hotch.

When Hotch woke up, he stretched and looked up at Reid with a sleepy smile.

“How long was I out?” Hotch asked.

Reid lowered his book and smiled back. “37 minutes and 43 seconds.”

“How many books did you read?”

“I'm almost done with my third. Right now I'm reading ‘The Question of God: C. S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud Debate God, Love, Sex, and the Meaning of Life’ by Armand M. Nicholi.”

Hotch snorted. “A little light reading?”

“It's very interesting. It’s an excellent overview of the opposing worldviews of two great thinkers, one atheist and one deeply Christian. Both Freud and Lewis were eloquent speakers and writers for their points of view. This book does a really good job of comparing these and the effect these views had on their lives.”

“You're amazing,” Hotch said.

Reid blushed. “That's not the response I usually get.”

“You'll get used to it.” Hotch sat up, leaned over, and kissed Reid. Reid put one arm around Hotch’s waist and one into his hair and kissed him back. The kiss was long and sweet. Hotch couldn’t get enough of Reid. The taste of him was addictive. The feeling of Reid’s lips on his was like a drug and all Hotch knew was that he wanted more. Hotch put his arms around Reid’s waist and leaned into him. When they pulled apart, Hotch’s brown eyes were dark with desire. He kept one arm wrapped around  
Reid’s waist and raised the other to trail his fingers over Reid’s cheekbone and push a strand of  
hair behind his ear. Reid’s eyes were glazed and his smile was blissful. The look on his face was intoxicating. Hotch brushed a soft kiss over his lips.

“You sure like kissing, don’t you?” Reid asked.

Hotch smiled. “I just can’t help myself with you,” he said.

“You’re a very good kisser.”

“So are you.” It was Reid this time who leaned in for a kiss. He slipped his tongue in Hotch’s  
mouth and felt Hotch’s breath catch. Reid threw himself into the kiss, drunk on the endorphins rushing through his brain. He kissed Hotch harder and Hotch's heart raced. Hotch nipped Reid's lip and Reid moaned. The sound was hopelessly erotic and made Hotch's heart race.

Reid pulled back. “We’ve got to stop,” he breathed.

Hotch's brow furrowed with concern. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No, just the opposite. Everything is perfect. But if I don’t stop now, I’m not going to stop at  
all. I told you no sex tonight, but I’m losing my resolve.”

“Well, I appreciate your self-control,” Hotch said.

“I would never want to push you past what you’re comfortable with. I’m ready, just so you  
know, but this is on your timeline. You’re the one in control.”

“When I’m ready, you’ll be the first to know,” Hotch said. Something flickered in his eyes. It  
was quick, but Reid caught it.

“What is it?” Reid asked.

Hotch cleared his throat nervously. “I’ve messed around with guys before, but I’ve never, you  
know…gone all the way.”

“If that’s something you want to do, we’ll take is easy. If not, that’s fine.”

Hotch nodded. “I want to,” he said. “Just not tonight.”

“That’s fine with me. Like I said, we’re on your timeline.”

“I appreciate that.” Truth be told, Hotch was very turned on and would have loved to have Reid  
fuck him right then and there, but his scars held him back. No one who wasn’t a doctor had  
seen them and Hotch just wasn’t ready to expose himself like that. Not yet. But he was damn  
close to not caring anymore.

“Soooo…” Reid said with a puppy dog look on his face.

“Oh God. What?” Hotch asked.

“I thought maybe I could introduce you to Doctor Who. We could watch the first episode of the  
9 th Doctor, Christopher Eccleston.”

“What happened to the first eight?”

“The 9 th Doctor was when BBC rebooted the series. Trust me. You don’t want to watch the old  
episodes. That’s for true nerds only.” Hotch pretended to look offended. “Oh, stop it,” Reid  
said. “We both know you’re not a nerd. Look, if Jack is going to get into Doctor Who, you’re  
going to need to be able to have an educated conversation with him. It’s a whole world unto  
itself and I can’t explain it to you. You have to watch it.”

“There’s no way out of this isn’t there?” Hotch asked. “You just had to bring Jack into it.”

Reid smiled smugly. “’Fraid not,” he said.

“Fine. Let’s get this over with.” Reid grabbed the remote off the coffee table and qued up the  
episode. “You were good with him today,” Hotch said.

“Jack?” Reid asked.

“Yes, and Henry.”

“Magic and sci-fi. It’s fool-proof.”

“He seemed to really like you,” Hotch said.

Reid smiled. “I’m glad. I was nervous.”

“Why were you nervous?”

“Your son is the most important person in your life. How could I not be nervous?”

“You know, this dinner was Dave’s idea so you could meet him and the team in ‘neutral  
territory,’ as he said.”

Reid rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”

“He’s been grilling me about you for the last two weeks,” Hotch said.

“Really? What did he say?”

“He wanted to know if I liked you and if I was going to see you again and how the date went.  
You know Dave.”

“He’s so nosy,” Reid said.

“He told me to remember who set us up when we were walking down the aisle.”

Reid laughed. “That sounds like him.”

“He probably told me half a dozen times that you would be prefect for me.”

Reid tilted his head slightly in curiosity. “And what do you think?”

“I think he’s right.” Reid blushed. “I might be wrong though. I’m going to have to reevaluate  
after I see this Doctor Who thing.”

“God, you’re a hater,” Reid said.

Hotch quirked an eyebrow. “A ‘hater,’ Spencer? Seriously?”

Reid shrugged. “That’s what all the kids say.”

Hotch nudged the cat off the couch and settled himself in the corner with his feet up on the  
coffee table. He patted his leg and Reid stretched out and put his head in Hotch’s lap.

“Ready?” Reid asked?

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Hotch said. Reid pushed play and Hotch slipped his fingers through  
Reid’s messy curls as the show started. Hotch watched the beginning of the show with a bewildered expression on his face.

“Wait, did that mannequin just turn to look at here?” Hotch asked.

“Sssh. Just watch the show,” Reid said.

“It did! And now there are a bunch of them. They're not very intimidating.”

“Aaron!” Reid hissed.

“What? No wonder my six-year old likes this show,” Hotch said.

“This episode came out 13 years ago. The graphics are much better now. Now be quiet and watch.”

Hotch did as he was told, but it didn't last long. “That's the Doctor? He doesn't look like an alien. What's a Time Lord?”

“They'll explain everything,” Reid said.

“This is the most British show I've ever seen in my life,” Hotch said. Reid glared at him.

Hotch watched a little while longer with a dubious look on his face until he couldn't hold his peace any longer. “Did that trash can just eat him? What the hell are we watching?”

Reid took a deep, calming breath. “Aaron, I care about you very much, but will you please shut the hell up?”

“Yes, dear,” Hotch said in a placating tone. He made a face but settled in and kept quiet. When the credits rolled, Reid looked expectantly up at Hotch.

“What's the final verdict?” he asked.

“It's uh...interesting.” Hotch said carefully.

“Good interesting or bad interesting?”

“Uh, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I want that hour of my life back.”

Reid huffed. “Fine. What do you watch for fun?” he asked.

“The news,” Hotch said.

“I said for fun.”

“I don't do fun. Outside of work and Jack, my life is dull and predictable and safe.”

Reid raised his eyebrows. “Well thank goodness I'm here.”

“Ok, so Doctor Who is obviously not my thing.”

“It's for your son, Aaron.”

“No, no. You're not putting me through that again. Why don't you come over tomorrow and watch it with him and you two can nerd out to your heart's content.”

Reid looked surprised. “You really want me to come over and hang out with both of you?” he asked.

“Yeah. Is that OK?” Hotch asked.

Reid broke into a grin. “I would love to.”

“Good. JJ said she'd call me when she was ready for me to pick Jack up. We can stay here tomorrow and then go over to my place in the morning. I'll even make you popcorn.”

“You most certainly will not,” Reid said. “I'll make the popcorn.”

Hotch looked dramatically hurt. “You have a problem with my cooking?”

“No offense, Aaron, but your cooking is a little...basic. And I say that with all the love in my heart. To prove it, I'm going to make grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner.”

“How could you possibly get fancy with grilled cheese and tomato soup?”

Reid smiled mischievously. “You'll see. Are you hungry?” he asked.

“I could eat,” Hotch said.

“Alright, then. Step into my kitchen and watch a master work.” Hotch followed Reid to the kitchen and sat on a stool at the island.

“Do you want something to drink?” Reid asked.

“Sure. What do you have?” Hotch asked.

“Water, sweet sun tea, and coffee, of course.”

“I'll have coffee.” Reid rummaged through the cupboards and pulled out a french press, a bag of whole coffee beans, and a grinder.

“What's all that?” Hotch asked.

“Magic,” Reid said and made two cups of coffee. “Black, unsweetened, right?” he asked Hotch.

“Right,” Hotch said. Reid set one mug in front of Hotch and dumped a bunch of sugar in his.

“Why is your sugar brown?” Hotch asked.

“It's raw,” Reid said.

“You are a bit of a food snob, aren’t you?”

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” he said as he pulled out ingredients and pans and started cooking.

Reid ran a commentary as he cooked. “We have here homemade Italian herb bread, fresh locally sourced butter, and fresh mozzarella for the sandwiches. For the soup, fresh tomatoes and herbs from my garden.”

Hotch raised an eyebrow. “Are you trying to impress me?” he asked.

Reid smiled but kept his eyes on the food. “Is it working?”

“Spencer, I was already impressed with you, but yes. I’m even more impressed now.”

“You know what they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” Reid said. Hotch laughed.

“We’ll see about that,” he said. Reid cut the sandwiches in half diagonally and placed the plates and bowls on the island, then sat next to him. They ate in companionable silence and Hotch remembered his last lesson on how to properly eat grilled cheese and tomato soup. Reid smiled when Hotch dipped his sandwich in his soup. When they were done, Reid gathered the dishes, pans, and silverware and loaded them in the dish washer.

“I’m feeling pretty spoiled right now,” Hotch said.

Reid smiled at him. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Using my words against me?” Hotch asked.

“Yes. I still owe you a bag of Columbian for work,” Reid said. “I don’t supposed you have a grinder?”

“What do you think?” Hotch asked. Reid pulled a couple bags of coffee from his cupboard and set them down in front of Hotch. “There’s one for your house, too.”

“Thank you.”

The two men spent the next few hours lazing around the house. Reid gave Hotch a tour of the house, including his study/library and sizable antique book collection and his flower and vegetables gardens out back. They sat together on the couch and watched the news. They laid on the hammock in the back yard. They talked. They were quiet. They kissed and held each other. Hotch had not felt as good as he did that afternoon since Jack had been born. He knew without a doubt that he had made the right decision by letting Reid into his heart and introducing him to his family. His fear dissolved and he let himself fall into the warmth of their togetherness. Around 10 o’ clock Reid started drifting off, held in Hotch’s arms in the hammock.

Hotch nudged Reid. “Hey, sleepyhead. Are you ready for bed?”

Reid yawned. “Mmhm,” he mumbled. Reid sat up carefully and he and Hotch made their way to Reid’s bedroom.

“Your bag’s on the floor by my nightstand. I, uh. I usually just sleep in my boxers,” Reid said awkwardly.

Hotch shrugged. “It’s your house,” he said. “I sleep in sweatpants.”

“Mi casa, su casa,” Reid said as he started to unbutton his pants and pull them off.

Hotch’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re going to get undressed right here?” he asked.

Reid’s head cocked to the side and he smiled as he pushed his pants down off his slender hips and stepped out of them.

“What does it matter?” Reid asked. “The end result is the same.” Hotch was helpless to do anything put watch as Reid pulled his shirt up over his head and then stood in front of him in nothing but boxer shorts.

Hotch licked his lips. “You’re beautiful,” he said to Reid. Reid smiled coyly. He knew full well what affect he was having on Hotch and he was reveling in it.

“You can go to the bathroom and change if you want,” Reid said.

“I can handle it,” Hotch said. He pulled off his socks and pants, but didn’t make a sensual show of it like Reid had. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants out of his bag and then looked up at Reid as he fingered the hem of his shirt.

“You can leave it on,” Reid said. He remembered the incident in the back room of the coffee shop. He knew what Hotch was struggling with.

“No,” Hotch said. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and pulled the shirt off. There were nine thin scars on Hotch’s chest and abdomen. Reid kept his eyes locked on Hotch’s and took a few steps toward him. He was fully aware of the weight of what Hotch had just done, this act of trust and vulnerability.

“May I touch you?” Reid asked gently. Hotch nodded. His whole body tensed when Reid touched him. Reid trailed his fingertips over Hotch’s toned chest and stomach. He gingerly caressed each scar. Reid was looking down, so Hotch couldn’t see the expression on his face. When Reid looked up, Hotch was taken aback by the hardness and the fire in Reid’s eyes.

“Did they catch the bastard?” Reid said, his voice thick with feeling.

“I killed him with my bare hands,” Hotch said.

“Good.” That surprised Hotch.

“Wishing death on someone doesn’t seem to fit in your paradigm,” Hotch said.

“I have a utilitarian streak. I may be an idealist, but that doesn’t mean I’m naïve. There are some people this world is just better off without. Sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

“Where have I heard that before?” Hotch asked, trying to remember the forerunners of utilitarian philosophy. “Henry Sidwick?”

Reid laughed. “No. That was Spock.” And just like that, the mood was broken.

Reid pulled back the comforter and sheet on his bed. “You can have the left side. The right side is mine.” He slid under the covers and Hotch went around to the other side and got in. They scooted close and Hotch put his arms around Reid and held him to his chest. He kissed Reid’s forehead, then his cheekbone, then his lips, sweetly with no urgency. He was content right where he was. There was no need to either dread or rush the next moment.

“This is perfect,” Hotch said.

“Here’s to many more perfect moments,” Reid said.

“Will you recite something for me?”

“What do you want to hear?”

Hotch thought for a second. “Poetry of some sort. I liked Robert Frost when I read him in school, you know, a hundred years ago.”

Reid chuckled and then started to recite. Hotch was soon asleep, lulled by the sound of Reid’s rhythmic voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think!


	8. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch lets go of his fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to get back to this! My cat chewed through my laptop cord and then I started a new job. Booooo adulting. Here's the final chapter! Hope you liked it!

Hotch woke up with Reid in his arms. Reid was laying on his chest. Their legs were tangled together. Reid's slow, even breath filled Hotch's ears and he smiled. Reid's hair was in his face and Hotch brushed it back. In this moment, Hotch admitted to himself that he had fallen for Reid, and fallen hard. He wanted to continue waking up with Reid in his arms for a very long time. The feelings were definitely there. They were compatible on an emotional and spiritual level, but seeing if their lives would work together was a different matter. It would take time. And Hotch wanted to invest that time. 

Hotch trailed his finger up and down Reid's arm, relishing the feeling of bare skin against his. It'd been so long since he'd had this connection with someone and there had been days when he wondered if he ever would again. He didn't take it lightly that they were together in this moment, that they had found each other. Or rather that Rossi had found them for each other.

Reid slowly opened his eyes. Hotch watched his long eyelashes flutter sleepily. Reid smiled up at him and stretched lazily.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Hotch said.

“Good morning,” Reid said. 

“How did you sleep?”

“Perfect. You?”

“Same.” Hotch kissed Reid slowly, enjoying the taste of him. Reid ran his fingers down Hotch's chest and Hotch shivered and kissed him again, more urgently this time. Reid returned the kiss, picking up Hotch's feeling. He hummed in pleasure. Hotch made a quick decision and rolled over so that Reid was under him.

“I trust you,” Hotch said. Reid smiled up at him and ran his thumb over Hotch's lips and then pulled him down for another kiss.

“What do you want?” Reid asked.

“I want you inside me,” Reid's heart flipped and his breath caught. He claimed Hotch's lips in a crushing kiss and flipped him over so Reid was on top. He slipped his tongue inside Hotch's mouth and tangled with Hotch's own, teasing, tasting, tantalizing. Reid broke the kiss and nipped Hotch's ear, then kissed and bit a line down his neck and sucked gently at the hollow at the base of Hotch's throat causing Hotch to shiver. It had been a long time since he'd done this, but Reid remembered the dance and the pleasure and he was glad it was Hotch that he was sharing it with. Reid pressed his hips down and ground against Hotch's groin. Hotch's breath hitched at the contact. Reid lost himself in the reactions of Hotch's body, each shallow breath, each facial expression, each roll of the hips. He wanted this to be perfect. He wanted it to be worthy of the man underneath him. 

Reid trailed his fingers down Hotch's chest and abdomen, to his hips and Hotch's body tensed in anticipation. Reid slipped his hand under Hotch's waistband to stroke his hardening cock. Hotch jerked and moaned as Reid's long fingers wrapped around him. God he wanted this so bad. He was ready to let go and fell into the sensations filling his body. Reid continued to stroke until Hotch was fully hard, leaving wet kisses and licks over his body. Hotch put his hands in Reid's hair and pulled his face down for another kiss. It was hard and frantic. Hurry, it seemed to say. I need you. The message wasn't lost on Reid. He let go of Hotch's cock and pulled his own boxers off and tossed them on the floor. Then he pulled off Hotch's sweatpants and underwear. Reid took a moment to take in the sight of Hotch fully naked in his bed, so open and vulnerable just for him.

“You're absolutely gorgeous,” Reid said.

Hotch smiled softly. “So are you,” he said. Reid pushed the comforter and the sheet to the floor and slid down the mattress. Hotch watched as Reid smiled impishly before taking Hotch's cock in his mouth. Hotch sucked in a breath and arched his back, pushing up into Reid's mouth unconsciously. Reid took him down as far as he could and wrapped his hand around the remaining length. A moan escaped Hotch's mouth. Reid moved rhythmically up and down with his mouth and his hand, excruciatingly slow. Reid wanted to memorize ever inch of him, the taste, and the sensations. Hotch gritted his teeth to keep from begging for more. Reid removed his mouth from Hotch's cock, but his hand kept moving. 

“There's lube in my nightstand,” he said to Hotch. Hotch leaned over and opened the nightstand while Reid's hand continued to move on him. He rummaged around until he found the lube and tossed it to Reid. Reid let go then and lubed up the first three fingers on his left hand. He recalled that Hotch had said he'd never done this before as he gently slipped a wet finger inside him. Hotch gasped and gripped the sheet underneath him with both hands.

“I'll go easy,” Reid said. “Tell me if it's too much.” Hotch nodded wordlessly and Reid moved in and out while he went back to work on Hotch's cock with his mouth and other hand. When he slipped the second finger in, he crooked them to hit Hotch's prostate and Hotch cried out as the new sensation flooded him. Reid chuckled making Hotch shiver at the vibrations. Hotch's body was slick with sweat by the time Reid added the third finger. That one hurt for a moment, but Hotch didn't protest and the pain faded. Reid was moving deliberately slow, milking every movement and Hotch felt like he was drowning in feeling. He wanted to beg Reid for more. He wanted harder, faster. He wanted Reid's cock inside him, but he couldn't form any words. Finally one word surfaced.

“Please,” was all Hotch could manage. 

Reid let go of his cock and pulled his fingers out. “Are you ready?” he asked.

“Yes!” Hotch said desperately. Reid smiled and kissed Hotch's stomach before he lubed his cock. He positioned himself at Hotch's entrance.

“This is going to hurt,” he warned. Hotch nodded his understanding. Reid pressed in slowly and Hotch hissed as the pain washed over him. It was all he could feel for a moment. Reid stopped halfway to give Hotch a chance to adjust. Hotch took deep breaths and willed his muscles to relax and soon the pain dissipated.

“I'm good,” Hotch said. Reid leaned over him with his hands on each side of Hotch's shoulders and began to move. Hotch couldn't stay quiet. He moaned. He gasped. He cursed. He called Reid's name. He was overwhelmed with euphoria. The feeling of Reid moving inside him was pushing him to heights he never thought possible. Reid started to speed up, pushing deeper and faster, angling just right to hit Hotch's prostate with every thrust. Hotch grabbed Reid's shoulders and held on like he was drowning as Reid sped up again. Reid took one hand and began to stroke Hotch's cock in time with his thrusts. Hotch was breathing heavy. He felt lightheaded from the endorphins. He could feel his orgasm building. Reid noted every changed in Hotch's body, the way his breath became ragged and erratic, the tightening grip on his shoulders, the tensing of Hotch's body as he got closer to his release. Hotch moved his hands to Reid's hair and tugged him down roughly, kissing him as he arched his back and let go. He gasped and through his head back as strands of cum splashed over Reid's hand and onto his stomach. Reid kept moving, milking Hotch's orgasm until he was spent, then he let go of Hotch's cock and sped up, thrusting fast into Hotch as he chased his own release. Hotch gritted his teeth as Reid claimed his hypersensitive body. After a minute, Reid's body went rigid, and with one last thrust and a strangled cry, he was cumming. He breathed heavy as he came down from the orgasm and them gently pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to Hotch. They lay there quietly for a couple minutes, catching their breath and returning from the dizzying heights.

“Be right back,” Reid mumbled. He stood slowly and made his way to the bathroom to wash off. He returned with a washcloth which he handed to Hotch. Hotch wiped off and Reid tossed the washcloth into the hamper by the wall. Hotch pulled Reid to his chest and kissed him on the top of his head.

“Thank you,” Hotch whispered.

“You were spectacular,” Reid said.

“I didn't do any of the work.”

“Watching you was breath taking, Aaron.”

“Spencer?”

“Yes?”

Hotch hesitated for a moment. “I think I love you,” he said.

Reid smiled and kissed Hotch on the forehead. “I love you, too,” Reid said. “You're safe with me.”

Hotch smiled back. “I know,” he said. Hotch let out a contented sigh. For the first time in years, he finally felt like he belonged somewhere besides in the field. He was home. This was the beginning of a new life that he never dreamed was possible.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!


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